when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
