All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
