I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
