I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
