Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
