i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
