She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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