discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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