and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
