I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
