theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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