pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
