Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm at about main and main street
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
