Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
