I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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