"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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