id be glad to
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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