Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
