At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she smelled like a LAN party
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
