i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
