just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
