capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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