So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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