You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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