i just had sex bonerless
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
