Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dignity is for republicans.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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