She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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