Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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