Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
