and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
