Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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