Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I had to cum in my sink.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
