I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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