girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
