I CAN MOONWALK!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
