Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize