I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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