If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
