C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
