I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
