so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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