I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
