I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
