THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
