I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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