It's like a parade of train wrecks.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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