got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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