The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
