booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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