NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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