Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
