I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
