things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
