Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You are the jesus of drinking
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
