oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
false alarm, still single
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
