last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
