thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
